My girlfriend's departed haunt me and the relationship?
I am 28 and have been in a wonderful relationship for almost two years beside my gf who is 23. We have moved in together and have talk about marriage.
However, her troubled teen years and her past still haunt me. Besides one serious relationship, she has had many flings for the wrong reason (she is a serial monogamist by all means), although no one night stands. Her number of previous partner is quite high for her age (somwhere between 15-20). My history is instead of long serious relationships and a pretty normal ancient.
Her upbringing was troubled: divorced parents, an autistic brother, and a mother seriously depressed who turned lesbian and who she has only be able to have a relationship with contained by the last few years. For these reasons she was a depressed (bipolar) teen who tried to committ suicide twice and who looked for love contained by the wrong ways. She also seems to have been other surrounded by the wrong crowd until I met her. Most of her girlfriends from the past have been total whores but she claims she be different from them (didn't cheat on boyfriends, didn't have one night stands, didn't do drugs). However, she admits have high sex drive, being attracted to girls, visiting strip clubs on a regular foot and watching porn during those years.
My question is: because my moral judgement on her past is anything but positive, is it fair to preserve that in mind in my current/future consideration of her as a person? Is it celebration to put the past completely away because I don't like it (as if it culd be erased), or what we are today is somewhat very much related to what we enjoy been in the past? How much is her ancient affected by her own choices and how much instead by her bipolar disorder or family situation? How will this affect our future? I obviosly hold resentment toward her family for not being there for her and for not man capable of teaching her good judgement.
Unfortunately I write this after another hours of darkness of arguments which started with one of her girl friends from the past writing to her (an ex stripper, druggy, and bisexual who tried to actually seriously hook up next to her at one time). Our arguments about her past are killing the relationship but at like peas in a pod time, because of my upbringing background, I struggle with the idea of putting a ring on the finger of a woman who have given herself to so many guys by age 22 (and the things she has done with some of them are experiences that we will not be capable of exerience together for the first time). This probably has a lot to do with my cultural uprbrining within South-Western Europe, where we are just not used to women portraying themselves as masses do in the US (with all the respect).
Last night she took my promise ring past its sell-by date, and she said this may be the end. Obviously, I feel miserable but I can't help the thoughts contained by the back of my mind.
I also think my attitudes and visions are amazingly common to many men still today. It's actually today's actuality of sexual freedom and serial monogamy that has made people starting to reevaluate the idea of tangible monogamy and exclusivity. And so it's natural when in love (vulnerable) to have to frontage retroactive jealousy.
Best Answer: Life isn't about knowing the best way to be...it's more or less learning the best way to be. Some are fortunate enough to enjoy parents or other caregivers who are wonderful role models and who provide support and guidance during those early years when a child is vulnerable and easily head. Others have to learn by the school of unyielding knocks. Many do not have parents who have the skills to if truth be told parent them. Life is harder for these young people. Sooo... are you going to hold it over her head that she have such a past, or are you going to allow yourself to be amazed that she has survived all those experiences and have evolved to a place where she wants to create something better for herself. Truly, if you are rigid in your own thinking more or less her past, and you are judgmental of the choices she made when she was young and acquiescent, you aren't going to be a healthy partner for her. Marriage is hard, even when the road starts out smooth. It's not her past specifically the stumbling block here, it's your opinion of her past. She trusted you to love her enough to share that previous with you. You decide if you respect her and her 'becoming' the girl you love... or if you hold it against her for being young-looking and foolish.
Answer:
Related Questions...
Do I own a impossible memory?
Whenever my mom asks me to do stuff I always forget whatever she wants approaching a few minutes later when Im looking for it then I have to turn back and ask her again which makes her mad. So can anyone back me, do i have bad memmory or...
im currently taking prozac for my anxiety problem its be a week since i started the prozac, they started?
me with 10 mlg a day and they just raise it up to 20 mlg i been feeling a little bit better everyday but i want to know how long will it lug to see the...
Why do the "innocent" win "harmed" murderers rapists..o,k?
Why do babies,elderly people{caretakers} and animal "be in harms way" as innocent as they all are!! But ,murderers{O.J] live so comfortably?good folks get cancer etc.www.scentsy.com/agne OPRAH This could be "one of your new favorites!! I'm right there next to you! Especially animals and children. They're the most...
What does it suggest when someone.?
Starts thinking that you said something when you didn't. Are they losing it? What does that mean? It has been occurring abundantly lately with this someone.Or could this person's brain be fried? Are they losing it? Hahaha.Noo, i do it all the time!Like today i was surrounded by the...
Best Answer: Life isn't about knowing the best way to be...it's more or less learning the best way to be. Some are fortunate enough to enjoy parents or other caregivers who are wonderful role models and who provide support and guidance during those early years when a child is vulnerable and easily head. Others have to learn by the school of unyielding knocks. Many do not have parents who have the skills to if truth be told parent them. Life is harder for these young people. Sooo... are you going to hold it over her head that she have such a past, or are you going to allow yourself to be amazed that she has survived all those experiences and have evolved to a place where she wants to create something better for herself. Truly, if you are rigid in your own thinking more or less her past, and you are judgmental of the choices she made when she was young and acquiescent, you aren't going to be a healthy partner for her. Marriage is hard, even when the road starts out smooth. It's not her past specifically the stumbling block here, it's your opinion of her past. She trusted you to love her enough to share that previous with you. You decide if you respect her and her 'becoming' the girl you love... or if you hold it against her for being young-looking and foolish.
Answer:
Is "stomach abuse" some generous of fetish?
what's wrong with being bisexual? if you loved her you wouldnt careshould i gain tested for adhd?
You give the impression of being so engrossed and rigid with her difficult past while reevaluating Maybe the rewards and costs of this relationship for you is weigh down your mental equilibrium . spend sometime alone in insightful thinking and decide best for yourself. well it seem to me you have already taken a decisionmy duration sucks ughhhhhhh what to do?
i been through something similar resembling u my friend, u seem to have a lot on ur mind and the one and only person that has really complicated this situation is urself. u been together for a while very soon so if u really love her and have absolutely no doubt around being with her for longer, then dance for it. But if u are the jealous type and worry to much about her previous, turn ur back and leave...Related Questions...
Do I own a impossible memory?
Whenever my mom asks me to do stuff I always forget whatever she wants approaching a few minutes later when Im looking for it then I have to turn back and ask her again which makes her mad. So can anyone back me, do i have bad memmory or...
im currently taking prozac for my anxiety problem its be a week since i started the prozac, they started?
me with 10 mlg a day and they just raise it up to 20 mlg i been feeling a little bit better everyday but i want to know how long will it lug to see the...
Why do the "innocent" win "harmed" murderers rapists..o,k?
Why do babies,elderly people{caretakers} and animal "be in harms way" as innocent as they all are!! But ,murderers{O.J] live so comfortably?good folks get cancer etc.www.scentsy.com/agne OPRAH This could be "one of your new favorites!! I'm right there next to you! Especially animals and children. They're the most...
What does it suggest when someone.?
Starts thinking that you said something when you didn't. Are they losing it? What does that mean? It has been occurring abundantly lately with this someone.Or could this person's brain be fried? Are they losing it? Hahaha.Noo, i do it all the time!Like today i was surrounded by the...